Saturday, September 18, 2004
.: :.
sigh..in such a teary mood today..listening to the cd that my dearie becks burn for my bday in sec 4..oh man..it brings back damn happy memories..
the times we use to run to the balcony to tk 'neo-prints' with the stolen mirror..the many photo taking sessions we had in the balcony,toilet..basically juz anywhere around school..the fighting over the mirror..(actually its juz me,becks and jose..haha)..the many bowls of mee gia tang with duo duo bai chai and bu yao rou..haha..the orange bowl noodles..the tonnes of fried chicken wings that we had..how we always use to fight over putting back the bowls and our dearest prefects got to do it for us..haha..the ovaltine,pine-apple that jose cant pronounce..the many major gossipping sessions..the daily monday routine where i go.."he's so cute..really.."haha..oh man..
life in st nicks was so perfect..so carefree and so full of love and genuine feelings..somehow,we juz bonded like that..like superglue..the people around me now can never be compared to the my bimbos..my bimbos truly noe me inside out and we can juz literally talk about ANYTHING..even if we're unhappy with that person we'll juz say and trash things out and everything will be back to normal..but somehow life's different now..i guess we all juz have to learn to move on..
becks:u muz be strong k?we'll always be with u and love u k?remember that u still have us not only now but FOREVER k?keep going on and dun look back..like wat u said u noe u'll be happy k?and i really wan u to be happy..it really hurts me to see u in pain k?so dearie..rem that i'm always here for u k?anything,i'm juz a call away k dear?i love u!*hugz*
she wishes he can juz get out of her life for good..
he's caused her too much pain..
so much that even the happy times cannot make up for it..
the past will always haunt her for her life..
but she noes she'll move on..
despite the hurt and the scar,
she'll forget everything
and live life to the fullest again..
she'll find love eventually
but this time with someone who can make her truly happy..
someone who will take care of her and nurse her heart back again..
someone who's willing to accept all her flaws
and see the perfect side of her..
but most importantly,someone who love her move than he did..
or did he even love in the first place?
did he even meant those words he said?
she's doesnt care anymore..
it's all just been 18 months of lie and deceit..
why muz she keep looking back and longing for the past
when he can juz simply forget and move on
happily enjoying his life..
she will too..
she'll save her heart for someone who'll love her
and make her be able to truly love and be able to give again..
someone who'll tear down the wall that's she is now building to defend herself
someone who'll truly reach into her heart and make her feel truly loved again
make her feel like a little girl again..
she's been hurt not once,but twice by the people she thought truly loved her..
she's was too naive..
she'll stand up again..
this time stronger but they have to overcome the barrier she build to protect herself..
she's afraid she'll get hurt again..
the princess rambled on
|Saturday, September 18, 2004|
Friday, September 17, 2004
.: :.
i'm seriously like addicted to this..haha..thought the only thing i'll be addicted to was my CHOCOLATES!!hehe..juz cant resist coming here to blog my feelings..i kept a diary last time but i seriously hate writing..it's too slow..and i cant read what i wrote before..haha..and this diary is BEEAAAUUTTIFFUULL!!!...haha..
cant wait till after my As..then i can party all night and i can finally go for some serious and major shopping..cant wait to get my hands on all those clothes..wohoo..and i cant wait to go overseas with my darling wei..i told her i dun mind going anywhere..juz outa this place.,.outa this sickening place..so full of terrible memories..i wish i can quickly go now and come back forgetting everything..i juz wana relax and fully enjoy myself with the people i truly love and who truly love me..not those that say and dun do anything..those that lie and cheat and deceive u..
they're those conceited bunch of goons who tink the world revolves around them and without them the world will stop moving!...hasnt mine stop??sigh..wat an irony..
life is really full of contradictions..people say one thing but mean another..why?why cant we juz all say wat we really feel and do wat we really say?why muz we lie?why muz we put on a mask?why??
and it always turns out that the one u truly love will be the one that hurts u the most..the one that leaves the greatest and deepest scar in ur life..why?should they be the one that brighten up ur day and light up ur life?or is it juz an innocent thinking on my part?that everything's all airy fairy??am i living in a world of fairytales?where dreams come true?i've been hit real hard and i noe it's NOT!..this's a cruel world where i dun tink i can survive..i always tell myself to be strong..to stand up for myself and to tink for myself..but i juz cant..i give up..
sometimes i juz dun see why am i on earth for..
the princess rambled on
|Friday, September 17, 2004|
.: :.
sigh..think it's gona be a long blog..i got so much emotions bottled up..so much feelings within me that i tink i'm gona explode soon!!
juz came back from my chem paper2 and from a nice relaxing swim..so good to swim alone in the pool..juz wana sort out some feelings..it's been a really terrible year..its like i'm re-living my sec 2 year..for those who noe me long enuf should noe wat i'm talking abt..
it's been both sweet and full of hurt at the same time..the times spent together were so sweet,so full of memories and full of love and laughter...she really doesn noe wat happen..it was probably insecurity on her part thus she became so restricting..she hang on even tighter making him feel so tied down..she tried to love him even more..she sacrificed so much juz hoping that he'll reciprocrate and come back closer to her..but it was in vain..he tinks its juz that he has to suit her timing..she wans to talk but he's busy..she doesn noe wat he's doing so she becomes more paranoid and makes him talk to her hoping that it'll ease her insecurity..it juz makes things worse..she has never done anything right ever since she was born..she let the one she really love juz slipped by,she let the ones who hurt her the most stay by her side..she's always doing things to hurt the people around her..she does noe wat to do..she's reached the dead end of the road..there's only one way..that's to turn back...but life's cruel..it doesn allow her to..she doesn noe wat she's doing..she's lost in the crowd..she juz needs him back..but he doesn love her anymore...he loves his freedom more than her..after 18 months..thats all its become..nothing..nothing's left..he feels tied down..wat about her?he's always giving in to her but has he ever thought of the insecurity she's facing?has he spared a thought for her?did he really love her in the first place or was it juz an infactuation?she's given him everything..her heart,her time,her effort,her love, her life..only to be thrown into a bottomless pit..never to be retrieved back again..all he sees is her strong side..she cries everynight under her blanket till it's soaked wet..he doesn noe..but even if he does so wat?he juz treats her like dirt..he has no sense of regret..not even guilt..wats this?!?after 18 months of "i love u forever!..i'll never leave u..i'll stay by ur side forever..i want to be with u forever!"..to "no..i dun regret it my decision"..heartless..it's juz such a heartless comment..did he even think of how hurt she'll feel?how much tears she'll shed after hearing that?no..he doesn care..all he cares about is HIMSELF!!he juz wants his freedom and so he juz cast her aside..
she'll never love again..she's given up on love..she's clueless..she's so full of hatred towards him but yet so full of love for him..she's hates the way he treats her but yet her heart loves him so much..she's tried so many to completely let go but it juz makes her long for him even more..she juz wishes that he can still be by her side forever..she's living in a dream that was once a reality..
the princess rambled on
|Friday, September 17, 2004|
Thursday, September 16, 2004
.: :.
you are still a whisper on my lips
a feeling at my fingertips
that's pulling at my skin
you leave me when i'm at my worst
feeling as if ive been cursed
bitter cold within
home alone again..suppose to be studying but i cant focus la..no paper today..but hey..i studied till 3am yest k?so proud of myself and i woke up surprisingly at 9 today and i'm still quite awake..hehe..
ok..shall go mug for chem now..got mcq paper tom..so lame rite?for 1 hour only..grrr...
i love my kor..he gave me a purple balloon which has the words"princess" on it..haha..to encourage me thur my prelims..he also said that he should buy a sign that says "princess on board" and put it in his car..u noe the kind that says"baby on board"..ya..haha..i love my kor to bits..he's the world's bestest and most loving kor!i love u!:)
the princess rambled on
|Thursday, September 16, 2004|
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
.: :.
back from phy paper2..2nd day of prelims..shall update all..
tuesday
had 2 major papers..maths paper1 and chem paper 3..damn taxing can...and somemore we're only given 1 hour break..but by the time the teacher collect its 15 min gone and we have to go in to the hall 15 min in advance...sigh..was really drained after the maths paper..but thank God it was ok..though i din finish 10 marks of chem quest..not that i din finish but i LEFT IT OUT!oh man..i thought it was an either or question so i din do..neva mind..thank God for my family and wei for ur encouragement and support k?
today
juz finished my phy paper 2..it was so rush..i had no time to finish agian..left out quite a few questions which were quite alot of marks..sigh..at least it's juz prelims..
anyway..juz wondering how can anyone be so INSENSITIVE?like huh??i think only wei will understand whatever i'm writing..rite wei?like how can anyone do this to us rite?cant they even try to offer some sympathy??i hate self-righteous people!anyway,wei,we dun need their sympathy k?coz u have me and i have u and we have the BIMBOS rite??alright! hehe...thanx wei for always being there for me k?i'll always love u and treasure u k?ur my BESTEST,wonderful,adorable,loving,caring,encourgaging,crapy,silly bestie k?:)love u gurlie!
the BIMBOS rawk my world!!
the princess rambled on
|Wednesday, September 15, 2004|
Sunday, September 12, 2004
.: :.
sigh..i'm stuck at home..with a fever and cough and sore throat..my head hurts badly and i'm missing him...bleah!stop it steph..haha...
wasn't feeling well since fri..but i still went out yest with esther and emerson..
went to nydc at holland v..ate some mudpie with oreo cookies and chocolate hershey's syrup..yummy!!then headed to haagen daz for somemore icecream..wanted to share the chocolate fondue but they only served it aft 7 and the waiter was like,"oh..coz the chocolate hasnt melted yet"..i mean huh??like so funny rite?muz wait till after 7 then the chocolate will magically melt.haha..
was telling them that i wanted to work there so i could get to eat all the icercream iwanted..then they told me that i will only get to go home at 4am..bleah!but come to think of it..i stay so close..it's ok lor..hehe...we'll see..
off to eat my yummyilious breakfast..that's if i can still taste the food..haha..
thanx for the call and the msg..it brighten up my day but i dun dare to hope for so much..i'm scared...i really am scared to be hurt again...
the princess rambled on
|Sunday, September 12, 2004|
